This is a personal review following my DVD review on my Blog, Parenting Healthy.
See the release review and enter to win a copy of Ragamuffin at http://bit.ly/1k0KMTj
Dear Rich Mullins,
We have never met, but you do know me. Our stories are very different, but we are the same. I am of one who struggled so long with a broken past that I had lost faith. As much as I felt I had no one, I truly felt I was so alone that God had left as well. I want to thank you. Thank you so much for your story and I was lucky enough to preview the film, Ragamuffin.
I had heard your music, but never knew your story. My past involves 6 years trapped in a dangerous domestic violent relationship. I was born Catholic and was a girl without a care in the world and one man took that all away. I was isolated by him, but eventually I learned to isolate myself from others as well. What started as a way to hide my life at the time turned into a switch that stuck in the 'On' position for many years even after escaping my abuser and I would keep myself disconnected from loved ones for years. I was around after leaving my abuser, but not connected. I could never find that connection. Just emptiness around others hiding my fear and pain.
To see into the mind and soul of someone like myself while I watched your story was such a blessing. You mention that the more you got out and talked to people the more it would remind you that you have words to say and a story tell. A decade after leaving my abuser, I forced myself out of my own shell and started writing. You wrote music and I wrote a book. I had a story to tell and connections to make again. I had a purpose to find.
Let me thank you in this only way I know how. Thank you for your film and your words in it. You state that...you not only wondered if God loved you, but if he even liked you! In my darkest times while I held my bloody face after a beating I would just become numb to the constant and almost daily pain and wonder that same thing. I abandoned God for years because of what he had done to me and to just leave me there? I blamed him. You say that people use the phrase 'time heals all wounds, but in your case time made them worse". A decade after leaving my abuser I was still afraid. I would shut down and disconnect from my (current) husband and children. It created stress in my marriage and my depression almost did as much damage to me as the abuse itself. You state how you can be near someone-even touching and still feel locked out. I have never heard a better description to how a depressed mind feels at every moment than that. It was that in which I refer to to as a disconnect. I was disconnected. I loved everyone. I loved my family, but I was locked out emotionally.
I married my current husband shortly after escaping my abuser. In fact I dated hime right away, but as you also mention in regards to Jess...When you are with her, you feel something you have not felt in a long time..you felt home. With the stress and loneliness after leaving my abuser, my husband was there for me and that is exactly why I let him in emotionally at the time-I felt at home!
"Did you believe that I loved you?" Thank you for sharing that sermon with us all and thank you for showing us the emotions that brought to you. In the end, if we are asked just one question at the gate, let that be that. Let the one's who suffered like so many, found a purpose and loved everyone despite their pain provide Jesus with the most honest answers over everyone else. Sharing emotions as trapped as we are is so hard. Writing my book was both self-healing and emotional at the same time, but it is my purpose to remind others they are not alone. Thank you for reminding me of that.
*Rich Mullins passed in 1997. I decided to format this post as a letter anyhow.
Disclosure: Parenting healthy was provided the above film. All opinions are 100% my own